One-Up Harmful Words: 3 Steps to Improve Your Self-Talk

The Power of Words in Shaping Self-Belief

In Stable Living Coaching, I teach five essential skills to help you build self-beliefs that align with the life you want to live. The first skill is One-Up Harmful Words, learning to think and speak kindly about yourself.

Why does this matter? Because the way you think about yourself directly impacts your confidence, relationships, and ability to grow. If you don't believe you're valuable and capable, your life reflects that belief.

How Thoughts and Words Shape Your Reality

‍Every phrase you say or think carries weight. Casual sayings like:

• "To be honest…"
• "Don’t work too hard."
• "I’d complain, but nobody cares."

Seem harmless but reflect underlying beliefs. Are you dismissing your effort, minimizing your worth, or reinforcing negativity without even realizing it?

Your mind generates an estimated 60,000 thoughts a day. These thoughts, most of them unsupervised, shape your perception of reality. As Stephen R. Covey said:

“The fact that you can think about your thoughts proves you are not your thoughts.”

When you start intentionally managing these thoughts, you can change your narrative and your results.

Improving Your Inner Dialogue

Step 1: Recognize and Reword

‍Start by noticing the words and phrases you regularly use about yourself. Write them down. Phrases like:

• "I’m an idiot."
• "What’s wrong with me?"
• "I can’t stand…"

Reword these thoughts into affirmations or neutral statements. For example:

• Instead of "I’m not good with names," say, "I’m working on improving my memory."
• Replace "I can’t hold it together" with "I’m seeing where I want to improve and that’s a good thing."

Step 2: Record Positives and Negatives

‍Create a “One-Up It” list. Divide it into two columns:

1. Negative thoughts you notice.
2. Positive thoughts to replace them.

At the end of each day, review your list and ensure it contains at least one more positive statement than negative. Say the positive thoughts out loud. This intentional practice helps train your brain to focus on the good while gradually diminishing the negative.

Step 3: Involve an Accountability Partner

‍Surround yourself with people who reflect the positivity you’re striving for. Share your goals with someone who will support and encourage you. Having a partner can help you stay consistent and catch moments of self-sabotage.

Why It’s Worth the Effort

The quality of your relationships, whether with yourself or others, depends on the thoughts you hold. When you choose kinder, more empowering words, you’re not just changing your mindset. You’re changing your actions, your relationships, and your entire trajectory.

As you practice One-Up Harmful Words, you’ll notice a shift:

• You’ll feel more capable.
• Your confidence will grow.
• Your relationships will deepen.

If you are unclear about a certain phrase or thought, ask yourself if you would say it to someone you love. Use that as your guide. You want to love yourself in the same way and you can take control.

Start Now

What’s one phrase you could stop using today? Write it down. Replace it. And commit to seeing yourself as the invaluable, amazing person you already are.

Would you like to learn more about building self-beliefs? Explore the full experience of Stable Living Coaching with a 14 Day Free Trial. Begin your journey to a stronger, more confident you!