There’s one thing that has the power to completely transform your life. It’s not luck. It’s not talent. It’s not your circumstances. This “one thing” influences your behavior, shapes your feelings, and determines your results. It’s at the root of every action you regret, every fear you can’t overcome, and every opportunity you let slip by.

We’ve all heard the sayings: “Lead by example,” “Actions speak louder than words,” and “Do as I say, not as I do is a recipe for disaster.” But what does this really mean in parenting? When I was younger, I’d hear advice from adults and think, “Why would I listen to you? You seem miserable, anxious, stressed, or resentful. Why would I want to be like you?” The truth is, the life you live, not the rules you enforce, is what resonates most with your kids.

Most of us are experts at pointing out what’s “wrong” with ourselves. We zero in on mistakes, second-guess our actions, and criticize what we wish we had done differently. This endless loop of self-doubt can leave us stuck, frustrated, and convinced we’ll never measure up. Here’s the truth: beating yourself up doesn’t help you improve. It keeps you trapped in a cycle of shame. But there’s a way out, a way to embrace your imperfections, understand your reactions, and turn self-criticism into powerful personal growth. Let me share a personal story to show you what I mean.

From my high school wrestling coach, who taught me to have a “fighting heart,” to horse trainers like Rick Steed, coaching has been how I made the most significant accomplishments in my life. Quitting alcohol after 23 years, running a half marathon at 55, and building an exceptional marriage, happened because I sought out skilled coaches.

Society often teaches us to shrink ourselves, dimming our light to fit in. From a young age, we hear phrases like, “Don’t toot your own horn,” or “Stay humble.” It’s a culture of minimizing, where standing out feels like breaking an unwritten rule. But what if playing small isn’t serving anyone? What if owning your value could inspire, connect, and elevate not only yourself but everyone around you? Let’s explore why positive self-talk matters and how it can transform your life.

Parents are their own worst critics. I hear it all the time, especially from moms, though dads aren’t immune. “I suck as a parent.” “I can’t believe I did that.” These words might feel harmless or even like a sign of responsibility, but they’re anything but. Constantly berating yourself for mistakes, big or small, can seem noble, but it’s not helping you or your kids. It’s time to take a closer look at this mindset. Let’s dig into why self-criticism as a parent does more harm than good and what you can do instead.