Parenting by Example: Actions Speak Louder Than Rules for Child Development

Are You Living the Life You Want Your Kids to Follow?

The more I reflect on the people who have shaped my life, the more I’m driven to develop myself. What about the people who have influenced you the most? Think about what made them special to you. Chances are, it wasn’t their wisdom, achievements, skills, or abilities. If you look deeper, there are likely two reasons why they left such a mark on you:

1. How They Lived Their Life
       You respected them for who they were, their values and the integrity they demonstrated.
2. How They Made You Feel
       They connected with you in a way that made you feel important, valued, and loved.

Most of us are trying our best as parents. We’re giving it all we’ve got. We work hard, provide for our families, and manage countless responsibilities. But amidst the chaos of paying bills, preparing meals, coordinating activities, and managing our own lives, one question often gets lost: Are we showing our children the life we want them to live?

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

We’ve all heard the sayings: “Lead by example,” “Actions speak louder than words,” and “Do as I say, not as I do is a recipe for disaster. ”But what does this really mean in parenting?

When I was younger, I’d hear advice from adults and think, “Why would I listen to you? You seem miserable, anxious, stressed, or resentful. Why would I want to be like you?” The truth is, the life you live, not the rules you enforce, is what resonates most with your kids.

Rules vs. Real Impact

Every family has its own rulebook for parenting. These rules often come from parents, books, seminars, or the latest internet trends:

• Respect your elders. Don’t lie.
 
• Kids need structure. Eat your vegetables.
 
• Brush your teeth for two minutes. Keep your room tidy.
 
• Limit screen time.

While rules and routines are important, they’re not what will define your child’s future. As Brené Brown says, “Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.”

The question isn’t whether you’ve enforced all the rules, it’s whether your children look at you and say, I want to be like you.

Be the Person You Want Your Child to Become

If we want our children to live extraordinary lives amidst the messiness and imperfections of being human, we must first focus on becoming extraordinary ourselves. This means:

• Reflecting on how you show up in moments of frustration, stress, or overwhelm. Asking yourself, Who do I want to be right now?
 
• Showing love and understanding, even when it’s hard.

The Power of Self-Commitment

Parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress. I’m constantly working on this in my relationships. I make mistakes, hurt feelings, and sometimes react on autopilot. But my love for the people in my life allows me to forgive myself and love myself. This self-acceptance gives me the capacity to love and influence others more.

Practical Steps to Lead by Example

1. Live Your Values
       Integrity, kindness, and resilience are learned through observation, not lectures.
2. ‍Engage Authentically
       Are you showing kindness, patience, and gratitude in everyday situations?
3. Prioritize Yourself
       A burned-out parent cannot be a positive role model.
4. ‍Show Vulnerability
       Share your struggles and mistakes. Let your kids see how you overcome challenges.
5. Model Emotional Regulation
       How you handle anger, stress, and disappointment teaches your child how to handle their own emotions.
6. ‍Celebrate Wins (even seemingly small ones)
       Acknowledge your own progress and theirs. Progress is the goal.

Start with Yourself

Parenting by example isn’t easy. It requires ongoing effort and grace. But the payoff is worth it.

At Stable Living Coaching, we dive into these principles in detail. Whether through free resources like The Country Code for Stable Parenting or personalized coaching calls, we’re here to help you become the parent you aspire to be.

Visit StableLivingCoaching.com for more tools, insights, and support. Remember, you can’t fail as long as you Don’t Ever Stop Chasin’ It!