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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this episode of the Stable Parenting Podcast. My name is Shane Jacob, and I thank you for taking your time to be here with me today.
Today's episode is brought to us in part by Cowboy Cuffs. Elevate Your Style, Elevate Your Life, Elevate Each Other.
This particular shirt, I love this shirt. I designed this shirt. This is from the Born to Succeed collection, sponsored by Braxton Nielsen, an amazing individual. You'll have to check that out.
If you didn't know, I patented a design and started Cowboy Cuffs. If you're hearing this, we've probably launched by now, and hopefully you can find out more at cowboycuffs.com.
But it is appropriate that I'm wearing this shirt today because I want to talk about style. Because come back to the Cowboy Cuffs motto. Cowboy Cuffs motto: Elevate Your Style, Elevate Your Life, Elevate Each Other.
Okay. What that means is that if I elevate, it means style matters. Okay. Because if I elevate my style, I'm going to elevate my life. And as my life improves, I'm able to elevate others. Okay. That's what that means.
And so, that's Cowboy Cuffs. And by the way, I want to talk a little bit about style today because it's something that's really often overlooked. Okay. It's brushed off. It's “shallow.” “Doesn't matter.” “Don't judge a book by its cover.”
But in reality, it is imperative to living an extraordinary life. And I'm going to show you why. Okay.
I'm talking about style. And style, it's not about keeping up with the trends or spending a damn fortune. What it's about is telling the world who you are. And even more importantly, it's about telling yourself, reminding yourself who you are and who you want to become.
Because when you dress on autopilot and don't put any intention into it, you reinforce an average life. Okay. When you choose an extraordinary style, you step… Your own, when you choose your own extraordinary style you step into confidence, you step into joy, you step into success. Okay
And in this episode, I'm going to break down exactly why style matters. Okay. Because you might be thinking, some of you, mostly women, a lot of us guys are like, “Yeah, whatever. Don't think it matters.” But I'm here to tell you it can reshape, when you reshape the way you see yourself and others see you, it changes you. Okay. And it changes you in a positive way.
So what is style? Style’s the way you dress, it's the way you speak, it's the way you do things.
What style is, is how you express your inner world to the outer world. That's what style is, and style matters.
Ordinary style, Tanya Lee of the School of Self-Image, she describes ordinary style and extraordinary style.
So what is ordinary style? Ordinary style is unintentional. It's unintentional style. And by the way, ordinary style and unintentional feeds a negative self-image. Okay.
Ordinary style is emotionally comfortable. Think about that. Is your style emotionally comfortable?
Ordinary style is wearing the same things for years and years and years. And I'm not talking about buying, getting that one thing that is amazing, that is extraordinary, and it's super high quality because it's gonna last a long time. I'm talking about getting stuck in a rut of just having the same, wearing the same style year in and year out just because it's comfortable, and just because it fits in, and just because. Because you don't even know why because there's no purpose behind it.
I'm talking about dressing for your fears, dressing for your insecurities, having a fear of being seen, dressing so that, dressing so you don't stand out, dressing for a fear of what other people will think if you're overdressed or if you do stand out.
Ordinary style reaffirms your current self-image. Okay. And sometimes we, we've all kind of got, a lot of times, we've all at times dressed without intention, right? “Nobody's going to see, it doesn't matter, whatever.” This and that.
The question is, how much we're doing that, and how much do you want to consider moving style up in your priority, okay. And consider putting, doing style, because you have style whether you know it or not, doing it on purpose, okay, with intention.
Extraordinary style, as opposed to ordinary style, is remarkable.
And it is detailed. It's paying attention to detail, the detail of all about you, of how you present to the world. Okay. All the details that go into that.
It's dressing for your dreams. Okay. Not necessarily yoga pants every day, or untucked if you're a man. Now, I know “untucked” is getting kind of popular with the untucked thing and all of that. And I'm not saying that that shouldn't be your style if that is how you define your style.
What I'm saying is is that most of the time we're just doing it without a whole bunch of intention. Or it's physically comfortable, and we're not thinking about the repercussion on the other end of what it looks like to ourselves and what it looks like to the rest of the world. And it's just a lack of intention.
Extraordinary style is dressing for how we want to feel. Okay. It's dressing for joy. It's communicating our inner truth clearly to the world. It's walking into the room like you own the place. Okay?
It's dressing for who you want to be and not who you've been. Say that again: Extraordinary style is dressing for who you want to become, not who you've been. Okay?
And extraordinary style feeds your self-image. Okay?
And a lot of people say, “Well, you know, why bother? Why put in the effort?” You know, and here's why. Here's some of the reasons why.
Because the way that you present, the way that you present yourself, it changes the way that you see yourself. Okay. Not just in the mirror, but in the mirror you see it with your eyes, and you start to change the way that you believe about yourself. Okay.
It changes how other people see you.
Okay. It tells a story to the world. And I'm suggesting that you and I tell that story to the world on purpose.
As you think about style and how you want to present yourself, you start to understand yourself more. More because you start to become aware of like, “Hey, how do I want to put, who am I? Who do I want to become? And how do I want to present myself to the world?”
So you get to know yourself on a little bit deeper level, and you choose what story with your style that you want to tell to yourself and to the world.
And, it creates confidence. Okay. And you feel better because you start to reflect your true you.
Let me tell you just a little bit about kind of how that works inside your mind. Okay
We, we want things to change. We want things to be better. We want to make more money. We want to have a better relationship. Want to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever the hell it is. We want to get a raise. We want to get a promotion. We want to get a new car. We want to have a boat. We want to have an RV. I want a lake house. I want a lake house. Or I want to spend more time with my kids. I want to spend more time with my grandkids. I want my kids to, whatever the things are.
When you, we want these things. Okay. And in order to get those things, we have to, we have to change, we have to become, we have to be in order to have. And so we have to change the way that we think about ourselves. Okay. We have to believe that we're our future self, not who we are today.
So when we present to ourselves and to the world an image in the mirror, an optical view of our, what we want to be, more what we want to become, it starts to prove the thought that we are that person is true to our brain. It's honest, it's okay to do that, to dress for who you want to become that you're not quite yet. And every time your brain sees that, it reinforces, again, because a belief is a thought that you hold in your mind and you continue to prove to be true.
As you continue to prove your thought to be true, your thought becomes a belief, and as you believe that you are your future you, you become your future you. And that's how the law of attraction, and you get the things that you want in your lifetime and you become more of who you want to become.
And I'm here to tell you, style damn matters. Okay. How you present to yourself is the most important, and how you present to the world is also important because it's reflected back to you. Okay
And so this is something that it's just so easily to be overlooked because it's something that we have to do every day. And a lot of time we're not thinking about, you know, if we’re a guy our wife, and we’re like, “My goodness,” and she’s buying us clothes and like, “Wear that,” and we’re like, “Ah ok…” You know, we’re not putting a lot of attention into ourselves.
Okay. And I'm suggesting to think about and to put sometime into this, and to, and to, and to do style, your own style, on purpose.
Cause you have a style. If you say you don't have a style, you have a style. Okay. You are your style.
You are your style. Okay. You have the style.
These are some of the style lies: “I don't have time.” Okay. It's not a legitimate excuse.
Here's the thing, it does take a little bit extra time. Okay. To, you know, groom yourself, your hygiene, your, you know, to dress on purpose. Okay. It's going to take a little bit, barely, maybe a little bit more extra time. But the return on the investment is incredible. It's tremendous. Okay.
And so the little bit of extra time that it does take is time, is time well spent. It's an excellent investment, okay? It will come back to you in a huge return, a hundred fold.
The style lies, “It's not important.” Okay? Particularly men, man. We're just like, “Whatever, we don't care how we look. Women care how they look. They care how they look to each other.” I always thought that women cared how they look for other men, but a lot of times we're dressing for other women. But a lot of times, man, we just, “Yeah, whatever. Give me something to cover most of my body and I’ll be happy.”
But style does matter, okay? Man, woman, and children, it does matter. It matters because you matter. Okay? It matters because you matter.
Present the version of yourself to yourself and to the world that you want reflected back to you. Okay?
Here's another style lie, “Yeah, I'm gonna work on that soon as I get that weight off that I'm working on.”
Hey, here's the thing, just get some clothes that fit. Okay? Stop trying to hide yourself in those gigantic ass clothes because they don't help, and you're not hiding anyway. Okay? You're in there, and those slumpy clothes are not helping.
Here's my suggestion, and by the way, I know because I've been overweight about 40 pounds. And so I, I have my own experience in this. Okay. Here's my suggestion. Buy clothes that fit. Buy clothes that feel good. Okay. In the body that you have right now. Don't wait.
Because you're going to start to feel better as you are. And when you start to feel better right now, today, you're actually going to lose weight faster, faster anyway. Proven fact, straight up. Okay.
So it's a lie that it's a good idea to wait for it. Or it's an excuse to, you know, of why not to do it. And it's not a good excuse.
“I don't have enough money.” Now here, look, here's the deal. I also know what it's like to not have any money. None. Okay.
There's been a few times where the only clothes I had in my entire wardrobe is this bright fluorescent orange jumpsuit. Okay. And I had one. Okay. And that was the extent of my wardrobe.
And by the way, I was not hunting deer. Okay. I was locked up in jail, in prison.
And so, and when I got out, I didn't have any money. None. I had some debt and a handful of, a little bag for a couple of clothes, just enough to, nothing. Like one or two sets of clothes, maybe. Two sets of jeans, maybe.
So I know what it's like to not have any money. And here's the thing, it doesn't take a whole hell of a lot of money.
If you don't have a lot of money, it's gonna take a little bit more time because you're gonna have to shop better. You're gonna have to maybe consider consignment clothes.
And let me tell you, there is some nice clothes that have been somebody else's. And I've worn a bunch of them, and I like doing that.
I have an incredible tie selection, and each one of those ties cost me $3 at Deseret Industries. I'm very proud of that.
Anyway, “I don't have enough money.” You don't have to have five closets, you don't have to have hundreds of shirts and pants. You don't have to have a ginormous wardrobe, okay?
Just have a few things that you can afford that you found on sale, that you found on consignment, that you use coupons for because you're paying a little bit, you're doing it with intention.
That when you want to present yourself to the world, to yourself and to the world, that you don't have to have a lot of money. You can get it done. Okay. And you can build that over time as your money increases.
But “I don't have any money” is just not a good excuse. It's not, that's not a legitimate excuse. Okay.
Changes happen when you start showing up in your life on purpose, okay, with your style on purpose.
Trying to hide in your clothes, it doesn't work because you're still there. You want to be overlooked so you're dressed so that nobody sees you, you're kind of hiding.
If you think nobody's going to see you, hey, I see me. You see you. You know what I'm saying?
Dress to impress yourself. That's what this is about. The most important person that you're going to, is not the outside world. It is you.
They matter too, because the outside world matters also because it's going to be reflected, Your image is going to be reflected back to you.
Hey, overdress. I'm all for overdressing if that's what you want to do. It's Thanksgiving and your entire family showing up in jeans and t-shirts, and you show up, if you're a lady, in some stunning dress. Or if you're a guy, all pressed and dressed to the nines, we'll call it. And everybody's like, “Geez, what are you doing?” And you’re like, “I’m coming to my family's Thanksgiving dinner.”
Okay, and a lot of times we’re, we want to dress to be appropriate, right? We want to dress to be appropriate.
But here's my suggestion: “Hey, I want to look terrible because I don't want to hurt somebody else's feelings.” Wait a minute. Listen, hold on a minute. You're telling me that you want to dress all slumpy and sloppy because if you dress like you look amazing and extraordinary, that when you show up with slumpy over there, they're going to feel bad? I mean, think about the logic of this.
How about this. You show up extraordinary, and slumpy looks at you and says, “Hey, why am I not dressed and extraordinary?” Be the example.
You know, I don't go with that, “I don't want to be overdressed,” because I'm saying to dress appropriately. But, at hell, if you want to overdress, hey, present who you are to the world and to yourself and to the world as you are, and do your own uniqueness, okay? Whatever it is.
Don’t, and also, that can also be an excuse. “Well, you know, I'm just going to dress down.” You know, here's the thing, we have, this is natural and normal. It's part of our normal, normal human experience because it's one of our emotional needs: belonging.
We want to feel like we fit in, all of us. Me, you, and all the other billions of people that have been and are going to come to this world. Okay. And so it's natural for us to just look around and go do something that blends in so we feel like we fit in, so that we're accepted to the group. Right?
I want to be accepted to the group. I want to fit in. And so it's really easy to kind of dress that way unintentionally, without thought.
Right? And so then we're kind of dressing in this thing, and it's feeding our negative self-image because subconsciously we're just trying to fit in with the world. Ask yourself how much you really need to fit in.
And if overdressing, dressing, present, not overdressing necessarily, but presenting yourself to the world in your own unique style is something that you don't want to do because you're really not going to fit in. ‘Cause I say, present yourself as, set the tone.
Be the leader. Set the example. That's what I say.
Every morning you have a choice, and so do I. We all have a choice every morning. We can show up in a way that feeds a negative self-image, or we can dress for joy. We can dress to feel powerful. We can dress to feel confident. Okay.
Here's some questions, okay. How do you want to see yourself today? How do you want the world to see you? And how do you want to feel?
Because I think we should be dressing for the answers to those questions. How do I want to see myself today? How do I want to present myself to the world? And how do I want to feel? And then dress and present that way.
Okay. Style is one of the best personal development tools available. You hearing me?
If you want to move from where you're at, if you want to be something that you're not, accomplish something that you don't have right now, style is one of the most, is the best, one of the best personal development, is gonna propel you forward towards your goals. It's one of the best tools available. Okay.
Because when you look better, you feel better. And when you feel better, when you feel better you act better, and it propels you toward who you want to become and to reach your goals.
The world reflects back our self-image to us.
The most important story that you're ever going to tell is the one about yourself. Okay. And you get to choose what the hell that is. You can choose what it is. You're choosing it right now. You chose it this morning. You'll choose it tomorrow.
Why not make it extraordinary? Why not? Why not make it extraordinary?
So what is it? What does your most extraordinary life look like? What does it feel like? What does it taste like? What is your extraordinary style? Think about that.
You can only ever create to the edge of your self-image. Okay? You can only go so far as what you choose, as what you believe about yourself. Okay.
And your self-image feeds a positive self-image, okay? Because however you think and see about yourself, the world is going to reflect it right back to you.
Your self-image is the mental picture that you keep in your head. It's what drives the stories that you tell about yourself. It's how you interact with others. It's the goals that you create. It's the clothes you choose. It's the places that you go. It's the money that you earn and how you spend it.
It's how you treat your body. It's who you date and who you marry. And it's what you believe that is possible for you.
Simply put, your self-image is shaping your entire life, the way that you see you. What you believe to be true about you is shaping your entire life.
So here's the takeaway for today. Here's the takeaway of today. And this is the question, this cute little question, here’s your daily question:
“Do I look like the me that I want to be?”
That little question, okay? You can wrap this whole thing up into one sentence every morning:
“Do I look like the me that I want to be?”
And then dress for that and present that to yourself and to the world.
What would your life be like if you truly saw yourself as extraordinary? Because here's the thing, you are. Okay.
Imagine the relationships that you're going to have. Okay. Imagine the jobs that you'd go for. Imagine the goals you'd set. Imagine the money that you could make.
Imagine the well-being that you'd create, the amount of joy that you'd experience if you refused to buy into any other story that was anything less than “you are extraordinary.”
How would you dress? How would you walk into the room and present yourself? What would be possible for you?
Okay because here's the thing, I'm here to tell you, the possibilities are endless. Okay
Unless you want to wake up one day and realize that you've lived your entire life on autopilot, okay, or under somebody else's definition of what you should or shouldn't be. Okay. Don't let anybody else decide for you.
Okay, refuse to sleepwalk through your life. Refuse to be average. Refuse to be ordinary. Okay.
Because you only got one life. And I'm here to tell you, you are worth it. Okay? It's worth it. Style is worth it. And it matters.
It matters because you matter. You are invaluable. Okay. So dress that body of yours accordingly.
Hey, if you haven't yet, come check us out. Come check us out at Stable Living Coaching. We go deeper into living an extraordinary life.
You can join us at stablelivingcoaching.com. We may still have our free trial going on, stablelivingcoaching.com. Check us out there.
I appreciate you taking your time to be here with me today.
And remember, you cannot fail as long as you Don't Ever Stop Chasin’ It.
