Discipline with Love: A Bold, Proven System for Raising Kids Who Trust and Respect You

Parenting Lessons from Horses: Building Trust, Respect, and Understanding

Horses are strong-willed, independent creatures, and their nature requires leadership, clarity, and patience. Through decades of experience, Rick Steed developed the Ask, Tell, Promise, Enforce System to train horses with integrity and respect. Recognizing the system’s immense value, I adapted it to parenting—and it’s been a game-changer for countless families.

This system is not about control or domination; it’s about teaching kids the vital life lessons of accountability and boundaries while showing them they are deeply loved.

The 4-Step Parenting System That Builds Trust and Accountability

1. Ask: Begin with Gentle Leadership

Start by asking your child to do what’s needed. Whether it’s finishing homework or cleaning their room, this step is about trust and respect.

In horse training, a light cue—a soft touch or subtle signal—is often all that’s needed to guide the horse. Similarly, asking opens the door for cooperation. It sets the tone for mutual respect, letting your child know that you trust their ability to do what’s right.

2. Tell: A Meaningful Conversation That Connects  

If asking doesn’t work, the next step is to tell. But this isn’t about giving orders—it’s about sitting down for an honest, heartfelt conversation.

Take the time to understand your child’s emotional needs and perspective. Maybe they didn’t follow through because they felt overwhelmed, distracted, or unheard. By listening, you show that you care about their feelings.

Then, ask your child to consider your needs as a parent. Explain why the task matters and how their actions affect others. This step builds collaboration, not conflict, and gives your child an opportunity to recommit to their responsibilities.

When you skip this step, you miss the chance to teach empathy and understanding—and you risk creating resentment or resistance.

3. Promise: Set Boundaries That Matter

If asking and telling aren’t enough, it’s time to promise clear, impactful consequences.

This isn’t about punishment; it’s about teaching accountability. Calmly outline what will happen if your child doesn’t follow through. The consequence should be significant enough to encourage change but always delivered from a place of love.

For example:
“If you continue to ignore your responsibility to clean your room, you won’t have access to your device until I see consistent effort in keeping it tidy.”

Promises without follow-through erode trust and leave your child confused about your expectations.

4. Enforce: Follow Through with Love and Consistency

The hardest step—and the most crucial—is enforcement.

If your child doesn’t meet the agreed-upon expectations, you must follow through with the promised consequence. Enforcement isn’t about anger or frustration; it’s about consistency. When you skip this step, you undermine all the work you’ve done in asking, telling, and promising.

Enforcing with love builds credibility and trust. It shows your kids that boundaries are real and that you’re committed to their growth.

Why Parents Struggle with This System

Most parents lean too heavily on one or two steps, neglecting the full process:

• Some stay stuck in asking, hoping their kids will magically comply. When that doesn’t happen, frustration builds.
• Others jump straight to enforcing without taking the time to have meaningful conversations. This approach can feel harsh and erode trust.
• Many struggle to follow through on promises, leaving kids confused about boundaries and consequences.

Skipping steps weakens the system and creates inconsistency. The result? Kids stop taking you seriously. They learn to test limits, avoid accountability, and miss out on the life-changing lessons this system is designed to teach.

When all four steps are applied consistently, the results are undeniable: trust grows, respect becomes mutual, and your relationship with your child thrives.

Take Back Your Confidence as a Parent

Parenting isn’t easy. The daily struggle of trying to discipline with love, maintain boundaries, and create harmony at home can leave you feeling drained and unsure of your next steps.

That’s where Stable Living Coaching comes in. We’re not about gimmicks or empty promises—we’re about results.

When you work with us, you’ll learn how to apply the Ask, Tell, Promise, Enforce System in real-life situations. You’ll gain the tools and confidence to lead your family with love and clarity, creating a home where respect and trust thrive.

Imagine waking up each day knowing you’re giving your kids the structure and support they need to grow into responsible, confident adults. Imagine feeling peace and certainty in your role as a parent, knowing you’re doing everything in your power to raise kids who feel loved and understood.

If you’re ready to break the cycle of frustration and start seeing real change, we’re here to help.

Learn More Today at Stable Living Coaching

Because the most important thing you can do as a parent is to never give up. Remember: You cannot fail if you Don’t Ever Stop Chasin’ It!