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It’s time to Thrive!
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this episode of the Stable Parenting Podcast. My name is Shane Jacob, your host, and I thank you for taking your time to be here with me today.
This episode is brought to us by, brought to you by Cowboy Cuffs. Elevate your style, elevate your life, elevate each other.
If you're not watching on video, if you're just listening today, you're gonna wanna check out this shirt that I'm wearing @cowboycuffs.com. This is what we call the Cattleman. Okay. And what it is, if you can't see it, if you're listening and not watching, is a two-tone brown paisley with dark brown buffalo. They call them colored snaps, buffalo double cuffs or French cuffs with a silver and gold cuff link that looks like a mini belt buckle with the Cowboy Cuffs logo on it.
These shirts get better and better. I love the company. I love what it stands for. And I mean, what an amazing shirt. I mean, not only does it look amazing, but it stands for all the good things that we stand for in life.
And it's pretty easy for me to love Cowboy Cuffs because I own the company. Anyway, and design a lot of these beautiful shirts just for the record. Anyway, here we go.
Today, our topic is going to be similar to things that we've talked about. We've talked about having a growth mindset. That's a great podcast. You can check that one out if you haven't yet.
We've also talked about humility, a big one also. You can check out the podcast on humility if you like. It's also an excellent one. Both of these words, humility and having a growth mindset, mean that you are teachable. Okay.
That we're open to learning, that we're open to growth, that we don't think we already have it all, that we're not pretending we do or we don't think we do, that we're open. We have the strength, remember humility means that basically we have the strength to be open, to be teachable, to look at ourselves and see our faults is a strength, and to be open and willing to learn so that we can improve and become the best, you know, version of ourselves that we can possibly be as long as we get to breathe on this earth.
I mean, this is the chance we have to get it done if that's what we want to do.
You know, and when I look back at my life, okay, I'll tell you a little bit about me here for a minute. When I look back on my life, the biggest accomplishments that I've made in my life, all the things that I've done that I consider the most significant, basically they have involved two things, two requirements:
My willingness or my desire, I needed to have, you know, have this open mind and be willing and have the desire to go for it.
The second thing, the ingredient that they had in my most significant accomplishments, was a coach of some kind, somebody there in my corner to help me out.
And the thing of it is, if you look back on your own life, you'll find that the same thing is, that your big accomplishments also involved a coach, a mentor, a teacher.
My dad is a role model for me. My dad's a total, he's an amazing man. And I had other men in my family that were, been role models.
When I got to high school, I had my high school wrestling coach, Darryl Henry, role model. He taught me to have what he called a fighting heart, which is basically never to give up.
All the things that I've done very well, such as riding and training horses, involved a coach. With horses, my biggest influence was Rick Steed, but I have taken lessons and been to clinics from dozens, dozens of top horse, the top horse trainers.
In being a farrier and in my horse shoeing, I also had coaches and mentors beginning with Mike Dawson, one of the great farriers of my time. Jay Sharp was an amazing blacksmith, and Wayne Nilsson, all three of them passed away. Those were some of the amazing men that helped me to become good at that profession. Lee Green, don't want to miss him.
These coaches are how I have been able, I was able to excel in the things that I have so far in my life. Some, just a sample.
You look at your own life, your most significant accomplishments, you'll be able to see the influence of the good coaches and teachers and mentors that you've had so far. You'll have a same or similar story to mine.
And if you look back and see the people that have helped you along the way, that been in your corner, have taught you, have been by you, believed in you when you couldn't believe in yourself, and basically given you what you needed to excel.
One thing I can tell you about me is that I was fortunate, I was blessed enough in my early 20s to have a sales job where I learned, okay, I learned how to prioritize learning is what I did. I didn't know that before then, but I learned it was important. And that was in my early 20s.
And since then, I've read, I don't know, I'm going to say approximately 200, because I know it's been well over 150, so it's somewhere around a couple of hundred personal development books. I've been to seminars. I spent hundreds and thousands of dollars and thousands and thousands of hours studying human behavior for more than 10 years. Okay.
The first time that I heard about having a life coach, or heard even the word life coach, it was in 2016. It wasn't until 2016. And I thought, how amazing would that be? I mean, I'm not really sure what that is, but it sounds pretty cool. And, you know, having a life coach to help me manage my, better manage my life.
And when I think of a coach, one of the first things I think about is my wrestling coach in high school, like I said, Coach Darrell Henry, Coach Henry.
And I'm out there on the mat doing battle, okay? But I have somebody in my corner with me and it gives me, it changes how I perform. I'm the one doing the performance, but it changes how I perform, knowing that I have somebody there who's on my side, who's with me, who also can see what I can't see from my view.
Just knowing, it's a huge comfort. It always was for me to go to my, I always had him put on my leg band and look, and just run over there to the break and see what he had to say and get propped back up again and head back out on the mat.
So here's the deal, okay? You know more about you and your life than anyone else. So having a coach, having a life coach is not about having someone to tell you what to do because you don't know what to do. Okay? That's not what having a life coach is.
It's not about you're not good enough, or you can't figure it out, or you need to rely on somebody else. It's about having someone who genuinely cares about what it is that you want, and someone who has the skill set and has the knowledge and the wisdom to understand you and to help you get the results that you want.
A good coach can offer you things that you can't see from within your own life. Just like in sports or any other aspect of life, having professional guidance, it's a game changer. Literally, it is the game changer in life. So a life coach is, can really turn your things around.
When I quit drinking, I quit drinking after 23 years of daily drinking to excess. When I mean to excess, I'm not talking about a couple too many. Okay? I'm talking about sloppy ass, falling down, slurring my words drunk every day for over two decades. And when I got that done, I had a coach. Okay?
When I ran a half marathon year before last, when I was 55 years old, I had a coach. I have spiritual coaches currently in my church that guide me on spiritual matters. I have a marriage coach right now that I go to on a regular basis, myself and my wife. That coach helps me and my wife better understand each other and have an exceptional relationship.
You know, here's the thing. We don't go to this coach because we have problems necessarily. We started going to our relationship coach, or our marriage coach, I don't know, six or eight months before we were married. And we continued on a twice-a-month schedule for a couple of years, or a year and a half or something. And then we went to once a month. But still to this day, you know, we are checking in on a consistent, regular basis with our relationship coach.
And like I said, it's not because we're trying, because we have problems, it's to avoid problems. Okay? So that we can have an outstanding marriage.
Okay, because here's the deal. I've looked. I've had a lot of marriages that weren't. And when I look around the world, I don't want to have an average marriage. And there's a lot of average, what I consider average and below average, marriages everywhere I go. People are complaining. You know, they're not happy in their marriage. You know, they're not happy in the relationship, and they're downright miserable.
It doesn't sound good. It sounds pretty awful. And I've lived those. Okay, so I've experienced that. I mean, we all have a little bit. I want my relationship to be as good as it can. And I do. We do. We have an amazing relationship and an exceptional marriage.
Anyway, here's the thing about this is that everyone, every human being, according to me, can benefit from a life coach. Okay? They really gave me the difference in my life.
You know, when I was young, my thoughts led me to a very destructive life. I spent quite a bit of time in jail. Like I said, I became an alcoholic. If you didn't know my whole story, I'll tell you a piece of it.
I spent quite a bit of time in jail. I destroyed relationships that I had that were close to me and important. I caused a lot of pain and suffering to people, immense pain and suffering, destruction, things that can't be fixed. You know, I did that. I caused that. I was a damn disastrous mess, is what I was. I left a trail of destruction behind me.
When I figured out a better way of living, I looked back and I said, “I wish I would have known now what I know.” A lot of times we've always, a lot of us have said that, right?
But I believed it to the extent that I want young people to know what I didn't know when I began the thought process I had that led me to all that pain, to all that suffering I caused for other people and to myself. Okay?
So that's the reason that I became a certified life coach from the best school, The Life Coach School, and why I started Stable Living Coaching.
You know, I have this idea that we only get so much time to breathe. And I am, just most of the time, a lot of the time that I'm awake and living and conscious, I am really driven to compete against myself, to be as good as I can be.
And we all have that in us a little bit to some degree or another if we develop it. Right?
And so, like I said, I don't want to have an average marriage. I don't want to have average income. I don't want to have an average job. I don't want to have an average retirement or whatever. I don't want to have an average family. I don't want to have an average life experience.
I want to take advantage of the number of breaths that I get, the number of days, the number of minutes, to the extent that I can, and learn how to develop myself.
You know, there's so many things that I've learned from the life coaches that I've had. And actual life coaches, not sports coaches of that, and career coaches and all of that combined, but life coaching.
You know what I've learned from being coached from my life coaches? I'll tell you just a couple of things.
I wasn't aware that—here's a game changer, I’ve learned more about personal responsibility, what it really means, how to apply it in my life. I have become a better manager, a better leader in my business. My income’s went through the roof compared to what it was before because I've learned how to think about money and what it means and all of that.
My relationships, all, have improved. And really, to me, that's what a whole bunch of life is all about. If not, almost all of life is about developing good relationships.
My relationships are better. I have less stress. You know, and I have plenty of stress and I make plenty of mistakes and I'm not a perfect manager or any of that. This is stuff that I practice on a daily basis.
But let me tell you something, I improve as time goes on. And the improvement that I've had is exceptional.
Some of the pieces, personal responsibility, just really being open to learning. Some of the big, some of the big like moments that really made a difference was that I didn't know that I had, I could be the one that decided how I felt and how to go about that.
You know, there's so much noise in our brain. It's like this constant chatter and just trying to like navigate our way through this jungle of thoughts that are just being fed to us constantly. It's like, where's all this coming from? What does it mean? What am I supposed to do with it?
How do I manage all this? How do I manage all the noise in my mind? And what does it mean? Like, where is it coming from?
The breakdown and learning that, and learning that I can control how I feel by managing my mind and deciding, choosing intentional thoughts rather than just reacting to unintentional thoughts that are going on. Just totally reacting to life and then dying. You know, that I can, it's so empowering.
And those have made deep and significant changes in my life.
And the reason I'm telling you this is because a lot of the people that I talk to in Stable Living Coaching don't know what, we don't, we never know what we don't know. We don't know. How could we know? Right?
But when some of these little light bulb moments that I'm describing, I don't know how well I'm articulating them, but they have been gamechangers, literally, in my life. I mean, they have turned my life around. They've changed my income. They've changed my relationships. They changed my marriage. They changed my business. They changed my physical health. They changed the way that I, my attitude when I wake up in the morning and all kinds of things.
Let me talk to you about people that come to me, people that come to me. There's basically, I put them in kind of two categories. Okay?
The first is people that are like driven to excel. Okay? Their lives are what I consider, and they consider, in pretty good condition. Their relationships with their kids are okay, they're adequate, or even in pretty good condition.
This group of people, they want to give their kids every advantage that they can. They want to set them up for super successful lives. They want to have above average relationships with their children and have their kids have a giant head start in life so that they have the best chance of being well-adjusted, joy-filled humans. And they do. That's how they go about it.
The thing about this group of people, okay, that is just like driven to excel, it’s basically preventative. Right? I want to have a life coach to excel, not because I have a giant problem right this moment, because these are the people that things are going pretty good. But they want to up-level it. They want to ratchet it up a notch.
Pretty small margin compared to the second group of people I'm going to describe. There's less in the first group of the “driven to excel,” I'll call it.
The second group of people that contact me, that I coach, are parents and teens in crisis. These people, and nothing wrong with that. There's no judging on one or the other. We've all been on both sides of this if you're a parent at one time or another.
But the people that contact me in this, they're in what I call in crisis. They're exhausted, and they're tired. They're overwhelmed. They don't for sure know what actually works.
They might be dealing with:
A lot of times these kids are having sibling conflicts, their kids are experimenting with sex. They might have drug and alcohol issues or experimenting with all of that. They have school issues, you know, they're not doing well in school or not going to school. They just seem like they are lacking any motivation, and on and on and on. The kids don't know, they're trying to figure out their identity issues and all of that.
Okay, so these parents, they come to me and they just say that they just feel like they're burned out. They're overwhelmed. They feel guilty. They might feel, have a lot of anxiety wrapped up in this, shame, even a lot of anger, a lot of times resentment.
Sometimes these parents are adjusting to divorce or remarriage, or they've just become an empty nester. And the real problem that I help solve is all the emotional chaos and the uncertainty that comes when parents feel stuck and feel powerless in their own home.
Okay? And these parents reach out, not because they can't do it, not because they're bad parents, but because they're exhausted. Okay?
And I help parents break free, basically, from the frustration. Okay? And that's the confusion, the disconnection, and the fear, really the fear. Right?
And if I get into a situation where coaching isn't appropriate, then I refer them to a therapist, therapy, or to a medical professional or whatnot.
But most of my coaching, I'll tell you, is also online, right here, or right here from HQ, I call our little recording studio. So it's online, okay? Either here or wherever I'm at. But most of it's online. It's very flexible. It's very affordable.
Occasionally, what I do is what I call a three-day turnaround, which is like the intensive. This is if you want, you need, you want solutions right here, right now.
So occasionally I do what I call this three-day turnaround, where I fly to your house, wherever you're located in the world. And I spend three days with you, 100% of the time, three days on site, full time with your family. I meet with you one-on-one. I meet with your spouse, if you have a spouse. I meet with each of your kids. I assess the situation. I lead the family meetings. And I provide the structure. I provide the systems to have major change happen, and major healing happen, right now.
Okay? Just like empower people to make the change, to provide what they need, the skills, the mindset, the tools to be able to move forward, and somebody to help lead you through that.
I also coach quite a few individuals who don't have children. Stable Living Coaching, yes, we focus on parents and teens, but I do coach quite a few individuals who don't have children or don't have children in the home anymore.
I really, I coach people on all kinds of situations, basically whatever it is that's causing stress in somebody's life. Okay?
Just to cut through the chaos, like I explained it. The chaos inside of your mind. To help people cut through the noise. To identify what's important. To identify what's important to you, and then to focus on what truly matters, okay, for you and your family.
Some of us, a lot of us, are just stuck in these repeating patterns. A lot of it comes from our own upbringing. It comes from things that we've learned. A lot of times we don't even really know that we're stuck in this pattern unless somebody can bring you the realization and give you the awareness, because you can't see it from being in it.
You know, a lot of times we're operating on unintentional, unsupervised thoughts. We think that they're just total realities, that we're powerless over them. And I help people recognize their thoughts for what they are and change habits that aren't helping.
Both parents and teens, especially teens, because they have less experience, but parents also. We get into being better communicators and all that that entails.
I am a confidence expert, a self-confidence expert. I help people who want to develop amazing ultra confidence. Okay?
And I know what it's like because I've been so reclused. I have lacked so much self-confidence in my lifetime. That's one of the beliefs that I held to be true about myself that led me on a bad path for a good part of my life. And so I know the road, okay?
I've been to those places that are unhappy places, where it doesn't feel good when you don't feel good about you. And it has all this impact on everything around you.
So I know a lot about confidence and how to develop it. And that goes for parents and teens as well.
This is kind of the end result, just to have peace of mind. And just to be able to rest easily. And just to be able to relax a little bit.
You know, parenting is a taxing job. I just got back from spending quite a bit of time, a little over a week, watching three of my grandkids at once with my wife. And at this point, two of the twins are just barely one year old, and the other one in their family is a little over three.
And these three little monsters, and I will tell you, as you know, if you're a parent of young kids, it’s a taxing job. It’s a taxing job no matter what age.
You know, if you are a parent of minor children, parenting is just tough. It will test everything to your core. It will test your physical ability, your mental ability. It will test all the things inside of you, all the things that are rolling around in your head.
It's a big job. It can be one of the most rewarding, but it is not a simple, easy process. It can be very stressful.
So in the end result, if you can have peace in your heart and in your mind for the way that you're coming out, and the way that you feel, if you can feel that peace of mind, that's one of the things you can gain. And that's why I say it's the fifth out of the top five reasons to have a life coach.
The bottom line is, whether you want to prevent problems and position yourself and your kids for maximum success, or if you're overwhelmed with it all and it just feels like a crisis, life coaching is available. It's a very reasonable cost, and it's very flexible with your time.
It's also tailored to your stuff, whatever it is with you. It doesn't matter what it is, it's all about you.
I suggest that you get a life coach. Get a coach.
Every coach isn't equal. They're not all the same. They're not all the same value. Everybody's not going to fit you.
What I suggest, if you want coaching from me, is to come on for one month and see how it goes and give it a shot. You can do that by going to stablelivingcoaching.com.
Appreciate your time being here with me today. Remember, you cannot fail as long as you Don't Ever Stop Chasin’ It.
